The Unwanted Pt II...

There are many reasons why my brother and I have encountered issues from his girlfriend is because he learned how to be selfish, controlling, careless, and somewhat thoughtless. It was absolutely disgusting because my parents never raised us to be this kind of person and it is in fact annoying me at this moment writing and talking about it. I have never felt so angry and hurt at the same time.

Here are the examples:

I could buy a case of gatorade and share with the entire household without any complains.
My brother buys a case of gatorade and lightly shares, the bottles I drink should sometime be replaced.

I have a car and I could take anyone around without charging for gas or other expense.
They have a car and charged me gas weekly and require service for the car.

They're aware of our mothers illness but never seemed to check up on her
I stress over the health of my mother and worry about what will be the outcome.

They expect so much help when it comes to family events such as parties.
They won't provide anything when it will come to your turn.

These examples are just small ones, but you get the picture of how someone could irritate you with all their expectations and never really care about you. I've always understood how people are, but enough is enough. I couldn't take it anymore and couldn't stand anyone who is selfish. It is like an automatic response for me to despise someone who share that quality of that deviant personality. I never really claim or expect anything in return at all, it is just so exhausting when people say "When it was me" or  "How about the time you..." or "I did this and now you have to..." and not realize what others have done for them. I do not know why they're inconsiderate and yet to turn things around that I am the bad guy.

Everyone who knew my brother said that he changed and she was the cause of this. The couple have been together for more than 10 years since high school or something. I understand completely about their relationship and how they've become as one, but seriously like that? I lived with my brother for exactly a year and seven months and to even think of the damages that were made. Regardless of the situation, They brought joy to my life with two special boys that I care for greatly. My nephews who I love dearly would not be seen again until time flies by and we both become more comfortable. I miss them greatly but I feel like the animosity I have against my brother will not let me see them and I understood it with myself that it was wrong and I couldn't do it.

The Unwanted...

My story...

I am from the Commonwealth of the Northern Marianas Islands. Most people are unfamiliar from where I am from and thats the sad part, regardless that the territory played a significant role during the World War II, it is still the mystery throughout the United States. This US territory consist of 14 beautiful islands and I am glad to be raised in two different islands. In addition, Guam used to be a part of this territory and became a part of US before the rest of the islands while we were under the control of the Japanese administration. Until this day, the difference is only the government among the 15 islands. Guam being federalize while the rest are self-governed, similar to Puerto Rico.

 Moving on, I was born at the stroke of midnight on October 16, 1987 in the island of Saipan, the capital of the Northern Marianas Islands. Although I was told by my mother that I was actually born around 10 p.m. which the nurse asked if she would like to record my information on what was stated on my actual birth certificate today. In addition, she mentioned that the nurse was actually someone who is feminine similar to a Palao'ana (Third Gender). And months before that, my ultrasound stated that I was a girl, which the doctor informed my mother. My mothers reaction was never been happy since her eldest was a boy named Sandy. He was named after my grandfather while my name is Eulogio Camacho King Jr, named after my father, even though I looked exactly like my mother.

Unfortunately, something grew and is sometimes a disappointment to me when my mother gave birth to me. Everyone in my entire family was really expecting a girl. My chosen Godmother was even ready to baptize me as soon as I entered this world. She was too excited to the point that she bought my baptismal dress that turned out to be a Gold dress. Those dresses are made for both sexes although they only have a slight difference that could tell which ones are actually made for girls or boys. They're called Bata in my language.

As the years have gone by, my memories are poor about my childhood and I never actually realized it until now. I seem to get pieces of memories like a puzzle slowly putting themselves together as I spend more time with family while talking about the past. This was definitely an issue for me not remembering the most of my past. Although the most ridiculous moments that I remember are the fights I had with my brother Sandy.

In my culture, you must respect any elders above your age, regardless if they're cousins, nieces, nephews, and etc. Luckily, my mother was lenient enough and adapted to the generation at the time. It made me comfortable to talk back and make Sandy realize that he was wrong. The outcome has never changed we end up in all kinds of fights and I end up crying all the time. The incidents were absolutely funny and how ridiculous we were. We couldn't remember what we were fighting for. It always starts off from arguments then escalating into a physical fights.

One particular incident was when we both fought over snacks and claiming who owns it, it started out from strong statements to raising voices to teasing each other until everything is at the boiling point of the thermometer as if it was going to crack. although everything shattered and we both start pushing, punching, choking, kicking, and other crazy things until we either one of us know when it is enough. The consequence were from my parents, they never cared about who started the fight and always punishes us with thick belts whipping towards the glueteus. We didn't dare to move or run, because it will only make things worst.

Another incident was playing sports, we decided to play touch-back football or something like that. The game included our two younger siblings Patrick and Vincent at the time. I was partnered with Vincent (VJ) and the other two were our opponents, we played throughout the afternoon after school and enjoyed it so much that it became too serious. We were both complaining about who are the winners of this game and eventually everyone was being stubborn about who won.

During the argument, my brother was pointing out that we were wrong and they've won. I put my foot down and immediately tried to discuss the game with him, but I was completely firm and argumentative. As a result, my brother continues to warn me about hurting me while I ignored it and continued to attack him with the most irritating and annoying words. Eventually, I stepped away from him because I knew that he couldn't catch me and that he would obviously hurt me in any way possible. Instead that didn't help, he picked up a coconut from the ground and threw it directly to the side of my thigh. I never hesitated to cry hysterically and waited for my parents to come home from work, so I could tell them what had happened.

Moments later, I stopped crying by the corner of the main entrance of the door, because it was only 3:00 p.m. and my parents wouldn't be home until 4:45. I couldn't cry that long and it was stupidly funny for what I was trying to do. The coconut didn't hurt me at all because the insides were empty and it was light. In the end, we tend to get a long great and make up after many tiny arguments or fights.

As we aged, we become sophisticated whenever we encounter the beginning of the argument and prevent it from escalating, The thing is that the arguments now have nothing to do about who is starting it, but who are causing it. My malicious feeling is that his girlfriend Jocelyn was always opening the door for problems to arise. It built many mixed emotions within myself and so many reasons to hold back. These boxed up emotions are becoming so full that it'll literally explode at any ticking time. It was then I became aware that I do not want to cause any issue, so it is best for me to move out and eradicate the relationship I have with my brother.

Food Inc.

            Before the film. I believed that American food system portrayed an equal relation with food, whether if it was eating a veggie burger with fries and a diet soda. It seemed as if it was half healthy when eating a meal, in other words, it was a like balance meal. In addition, convenience has always been the importance for all-American families. For instance, If you’re not prepared with a meal going to work, it is obvious that you may have to eat fast-food or something that is in the vending machine. Another example, when you’re doing errands all day, the result is that you’ve become exhausted and maybe even stop by the grocery for ready cooked-meals or something that is microwaveable. 

      

           On the other hand, I’ve always seemed to think that grocery shopping in America was so much easier. The reason for this was because they’ve had products that listed great information such as 0g transfat, no msg or sugar, and no additives. This really stood out and makes a difference to me, most especially when they’re at affordable prices. In contrast, I’ve always thought that some menus in the fast food are actually healthy like: chicken wraps, salad, fruit slices, and many more. In the end, I’ve always believed that some part of the American food system were healthy and I felt 80% secure to what I am eating. I also believe that I shop by quality and not by quantity.

            After the film. My family and I was in total shock and became afraid of what we have in our refrigerator. The movie really triggered my entire family to be more careful with what we eat. The signs listed on each product really doesn’t make a difference which made me depressed and very miserable. This really encouraged me to research about what is beneath this amazing and delicious meals that I am having every day.  I don’t entirely trust the government with the food I am purchasing, but it is their job to protect our people and not just offer all these malicious products because they would want to provide the needs of our people while being ignorant of the health outcomes we are facing. There were so many consequences from our food system and it is devastating to learn that it all began from our environment. We are simply destroying everything just for our convenience which we should turn things around.

             The stories in the movie really stood out the most with how people shop around the American food system. For example, The Hispanic families who are in a dilemma of purchasing medications and unhealthy food to be stable economically rather than buying healthy and safer foods for the family. This really open my eyes about what I mentioned earlier that quality is more important than quantity. Another example, a mother who became an activists after loosing her son and no action or care was being made for her in a decent time. This made me feel like I should not trust the government at all because of their ignorance. Lastly, changing cows diets as if they’re robots, was truly sickening and depressing

           

             This really change my appearance on grocery shopping as well as selecting products everywhere. I have been raised in a family ranch where some of our foods were freshly picked as well as the livestock. As a result, I’ve always thought that maybe the stores have it better and cleaner, but now I thought it was better. Since Oregon is surrounded with farms, I am willing to shop at those businesses and lessen more of livestock products. I am still in shock with the outcome, but I am also glad that the documentary had people who were concerned about the people, the animals, and the environment. It made me want to shop only at those areas and do a research if some of their products exist in our local stores. In addition, the film made me want to expose this to other people, most especially my loved ones. I am glad to have seen this documentary.

Paris is Burning!

                  This documentary covers a secret part of the world where people expose their true identity. They express themselves with a fierce attitude. This film was released in 1990 after covering through the mid-to-late 1980s. In the beginning of the film, you have people explaining their lifestyle between two worlds. Furthermore, they live a working life to support themselves and pretend everything is normal while the other is an underground room that is filled with all kinds of personality. This personality comes from an amazing diversity where people from different ethnic background come together to enjoy who they really are.

                  

                 I’ve come to realize that most African-American and Latinos were documented in the film and almost all of them are from the gay and transgendered community. It seems as if this became part of the Transgender culture which I think is positively eccentric. I have always thought that underground ball or clubs like this were non-existent. It seemed that it was the secret and safe part of the world, where only happiness and fierce is applied into this room. 

                 In addition, they've done pageants, lip syncing, and most especially voguing. Voguing is a form of dance dance to music in such a way as to imitate the characteristic poses struck by a model on a catwalk, which I though Madonna had started this trend, but it was born before that. It has become a modern art of dancing and it expresses great femininity. The film also brings out the issues that some people face on their daily lives such as racism, diseases (HIV, AIDS, & other STDs), and poverty. This special place brings unity for people who could relate to each other, regardless of color, origin, and so one. Diseases that have been widely a sacred issue during this decade was probably devastating to hear, because it was still new for them and they only come together to show some support as they continue to experience the hardship of this illness. Another is Poverty, where people become sex workers, because their family has thrown them out because of who they are.

                 Furthermore, this people express freedom in this very special room for all. It gave me a feeling that you were placed in the hospital under the Intensive Care Unit, just breathing on your own and you couldn't do anything or simply being in life support. It was sad but I understood it very well. This gave them a happy life even though hard it was for them, they still find that happy life. It was devastating when they share their life stories of coming out or how they were treated. I couldn't believe this could happen to anyone. I've come to realize that love wasn't the issue, it was acceptance. It was difficult for many, but they never thought of a strategy to understand and be a little opened minded with those who are experiencing a difficult part of their life.

Bridegroom!

                                                             "Bridegroom"

This documentary covers a love relationship that is rare to find in the modern world and seemed as if it was all a dream for myself as well as others. I believe that this kind of love still exists and should be applied to all human beings. The outcome of this story was simply harmony for all things in life will be absolutely positive. I will share their story individually and combine them as soon as they start their life together.

Every life that is brought into this world is a mother’s best gift that she ever received. A beautiful baby boy was born on December 19, 1985, in Kalispell, Montana, his name is Shane Bitney Crone. As the years go by his mother notice he was different and unique compared to other kids, although the love was undying for her and felt that she could do nothing but to be the supportive person her son needed. Shane was always positive and friendly to anyone and build great relationships with them. On the other hand, his father was definitely trying to make him what a boy is supposed to be, that is masculine, active, and somewhat risky. Shane never failed to make his father proud by joining so many sports and among other things until one amazing incident that turned out to be sad, cute, and absolutely funny.

The incident started on a regular sunny day where his father decided to take him hunting for the first time and soon they began to walk deeper into the woods by their home. Moments later his father finally saw an animal and decided to take a shot at it. It turned out that his father made a decent shot and killed the animal and in Shane’s shocking response, “You killed bambi!” Shane took it to the heart and cried continuously and hysterically all the way home. His father instantly gave up and accepted everything for who his son was. This part was absolutely touching and very entertaining that helped acceptance be very well understood among the family.

                As acceptance became a part of the family another issue was becoming devastating for Shane. It was a feeling that Shane was building as he grew older and never knew what it was or never understood what was dwelling inside of him. He notices something that doesn’t seem to feel right as if it was not “normal”. As time goes by, his feelings continue to grow and the depression was arising behind it. The feelings were liking, attracting, and caring for someone who is the same sex and also his friend. Shane kept it a secret to himself and continue to deal with it alone. Furthermore, Shane denied his feelings and never figured out what the word gay meant. Later, he understood by secretly watching a movie behind the couch as his mother watches. He continues to watch and after it was done, he went to bed and took the movie personally as if it was himself.

                Depression got him more than ever and it was taking control of Shane. The movie caused the negative emotion to grow radically where it becomes madness. Shane’s breakdown led him to dial 911 and screamed for help while telling the operator that he was dying of AIDS. This where the family experience chaos at their very home. Years later he told a harmless secret on a letter by telling his best friend that he liked him on a written note. A few moments later, chaos arises as the word had spread out to the entire community that he was simply gay. He was put down, bullied, and restricted from most school functions, most especially the principal didn’t even respect who he was and was abusing his power. It was torture for Shane and nothing was expected to be positive for him throughout his high-school years. He needed to be in a place where he belongs, where he is truly accepted. Then his beautiful journey begins as he drives his way to California.

Continuing Bridegroom…

               The documentary shared two peoples live story and since I covered Shane’s story, I would like to tell you about Thomas Lee Bridegroom. Thomas also known as Tom was born on April 22, 1982. Tom happened to be the only child from his parents, but has half-siblings from both sides of his parents. Tom had to be the treasure of the family and was mommy’s boy. Tom wanted to do things and his parents gave him more than 110% of their support and would doing anything for him, even when he wanted to go to military school! His mother had to work as a custodian in order to support him through military school. He was a good kid and never had any issues growing up.

Tom was the kid that everyone loved, he was energetic, highly spirited, and very human, in other words, down to earth. Tom had a secret and kept it very well hidden. It was then until his last year in school that he had shared a secret with a very close friend. As he was about to tell her, he began to cry hysterically and looked down covering his face and said “I am gay”. He felt afraid that he was going to be judged and the best part that his friend did was comfort him and told him “that it is okay”. It was a relief for him and he felt very comfortable with himself and was confident enough to tell his parents later in his life. Tom made his way into California, where a new chapter of his life.

SHARING CALIFORNIA!!

                Both Shane and Tom were living the life in California! But before the two met. Shane was working to support himself as a Production assistant and was finally happy. It felt as if he was emancipated from darkness and believed that his life will turn out to be better. On the other hand, Tom was a model and was in a few magazines, growing his fame in baby steps. As time goes by, they both seemed to be working too much and never realized anything about a relationship. It was then their mutual friends bring the both of them into a blind date at the bowling alley. Shane being shy and Tom being very open, the opposite personality has brought them together. It was then a spark that created the fire among the two to share the love that no one have seen before.

                Months have gone by and both couldn’t let go of each other, it was like they were meant to be together! Which also felt like marriage. Their relationship was growing only for good and nothing else. They have traveled to some significant places together, which almost every couple have always wanted. They made a sacred communication of knocking three times that meant “I LOVE YOU”. As they continue to live their lives, Tom wasn’t able to come out to their parents until Christmas, where Tom and Shane had visited. During the visit, they were having a wonderful time and in the middle of their moment, he had knocked 3 times on the table. It was a delightful moment and couldn’t get any better. Tom told his parents about him being gay and they began to blame Shane. As a result, it was shocking that his parents strongly despised him immediately and chase both of them out and there was no communication among his family.

As you can tell, a mother’s love is undying for her child, so this triggered her to remove her selfishness and go show her support. Tom’s mother visited the two and they both never thought this will change their lives. Tom’s mother began to show some care and support towards the two. The couple couldn’t be happier and felt so relieved and excited at the same time. After the mini-vacay, Tom’s favorite hobby was photography and love them especially.

One horrible day, Tom was doing a photo shoot for his friend on a roof-top and suddenly he fell off the building. This was really devastating to hear, it was a very sad feeling. Tom was immediately sent to the hospital for emergency care and the tragedy continues, because Shane wasn’t family, he wasn’t able to go and see him. It was worst and I began to cry, even just writing this down. It was a sign of relief when the nurse had told him that he could see him, because she understood their connection and how important they were for each other. That’s when I realize that people could show the human side of themselves if they give it a chance. As Shane cries over Tom, he began to knock three times to let Tom know. Eventually, Tom has passed! L It was devastating!

ANOTHER TRAGEDY!

                Tom’s mother began to go into their place as she wanted almost all of Tom’s things. Shane was not caring at all and continued to suffer the pain of a lost loved one. It was not as painful for Tom’s mother that she wanted to know everything about her son’s life in California. She soon scurried away home and brought her son for the funeral. As Shane questions about the funeral, Tom’s mother became malicious and distasteful towards those who shared a life with Tom in California. As Shane and a few of his friends decided to go attend the funeral, it was then that Tom’s father and other relatives would plan an attack, if Shane ever shows up into the funeral.

                It was depressing to know that Shane was right outside the church in the car attending his funeral. I couldn’t be any more depressed to hear what people would do because of their stubbornness. I grew hatred to Tom’s family and I wanted to do something about it. Moreover, Shane was limited to access Tom’s records and such. It was absolutely irritating and upsetting. On the other hand, Tom was buried in Crown Hill Cemetary in Indiana, below is the image.

As you can see, Both of his parents are right beside him and you could see that there are no dates of death. The reason is because they didn’t want Shane to be buried next to Tom. It was absolutely and ridiculous on how selfish parents could turn out.  In conlusion, I have never cared for gay marriages if they were passed or not, I felt as if it wasn’t necessary, because there will always be some acceptance and agreement in the end. Unfortunately, after watching this documentary I have grown to be more supportive of passing the law. This will bring a step closer to a great happiness in the gay community.

The King of Rock n Roll

        I watch a documentary based on one of the most famous recording artist of all time. I was curious and wanted to write a brief biography about this honorable man. I am glad to watch it and love to share his story.

        In the world we would know that great music come from great inspirational artists. Some artist are truly talent with their instruments whether if it was their beautiful voice or their fingers toying any musical instruments, and some having the power of both. One legendary artist has shared his tremendous talent during his time and left his great treasure to continue to inspire the people and that artist is Elvis Aaron Presley. The king was born on January 08, 1935, in Tupelo, Mississippi, he was a twin and unfortunately his brother Jesse Garon was still-born .
Elvis was an ordinary person that belonged to a loving family that were part of the working class. As they make their living, they had to move from one place to another frequently to be stable financially. Elvis seemed like a great and respectful child to his family, most especially his mother, Gladys, who raised Elvis to have strong faith in God. The family have always attended their local church, the Assembly of God Church, which later influence him with Gospel Music and then his legend begins.
At the age of 10, Elvis recieved a gift from his family that also contributed to his legacy, the guitar. His first taste of musical success was when he won a talent show at Humes High School in Memphis, Tennesse. Elvis began to open ears with all kinds of music such as country and R&B. Many different songs were playing in different radio stations and helped him influence his music. After graduating from high school in 1953, he still did not give up his musical dream and continue to compose his kind of music.
One day he decides to record a demo of two songs for $4.00 at Sun Studios for a birthday gift to his mother. Soon after, Sam Phillips enjoyed his recording and decided to keep him on his record label. Elvis finally has his first single called "That's all right" in 1954. Other recordings were included such as "Blue Moon Kentucky" and "I love you because". Then releasing his first number one country hit "Mystery Train" in 1955. Before long, he caught the attention of promoter Colonel Tom Parker, who immediately put him on tour. During his tour, he instantly had fans and they began to embrace his looks and provocative moves. Tom instantly knew that Elvis was going to be a superstar and made him sign with RCA records within that same year.
Soon, Elvis recorded his first hit "Heartbreak Hotel" that went wild and became number one together with his album Elvis Presley. Then, he sold millions of records in just a short few months. Not long after, he continued to release more of his recordings and it doubled its sales with other songs that included "Hound Dog" and "Don't be Cruel". He continues to stay at number one everytime he release his music since then.
I began to watch Elvis Presley's live performances on youtube and found it amazing. He moved the audience with his music and seemed like he was the Michael Jackson of our time. They both share their unique signature moves and style, but for Elvis he included his "Thank you very much" line with awesome facial expression. Eventually, he was just everywhere from movies, to tv shows, radios, and many more throughout the time.
A contract was also signed with Paramount by Elvis, which also sky rocketed his career. The movie "Love me tender" was his first movie and made many more later. Elvis was superior as a musician and an actor. Later, he recieved a draft notice that he may have to serve the US Military, he was inducted in March of 1958 and was sent off to Germany for a year and a half. During his service, he was granted leave to attend the most tragic day of his life, his mother's funeral. After the funeral, he returns to serve the US Army for about 2 years.
In March 20, 1960, He release a soundtrack for his film GI Blues and continued to still be at number one with his other movies such as Viva Las Vegas and Girls!Girls!Girls!. On the other hand, he began to loose his touch on the box office around the late 60s although he proved his performance when he recorded his first TV special in 1968, often referred to as the "'68 Comeback. He wowed audiences with his performance, which showcased his talents as a singer and a guitarist.
The King was married a year before his famous comeback and had a daughter named Lisa Marie. When all happiness began, it instantly became like a nightmare and did not last like a fairy tale. He was divorced and later was struggling health issues. Despite all these obstacles he continued to tour around the country through the years and made his last concert in Indianapolis, Indiana. In August 16, 1977, the King bid farewell to the world with a tragic death that was related to his drug prescription. May he rest in peace eternally.
Behind all his famous hits, some of his songs still were number one for his true fans and his album still continues to sell at the top of the charts. I began to scan his songs and chose that was familiar to me. I chose his live performance of Unchained Melody in 1977 and immediately I felt the goosebumps around my body and my eyes became watery. His voice was unique and very deep as if it was someone who was giving a hint that their time will come. As you can see that was the same year of his death. He was very spiritual with his songs together with his attitude. The way he played the piano was as if he was in pain and in pleasure. It was absurdly amazing and believe that he marked history.
Another song was Can't help falling in love, I never knew that the original came from the King himself. The song was much more mellowed compared to UB40. I think this song was a sense of comfort and being content with any situation that was given by handling it in a positive manner. I also think his lyrics are very well written and seemed very professional. It also made it seemed like he was very intellegent with his choice of words in the song. The instrument was very well played, most especially when he played it.

The Special Project...

This assignment was simple but difficult for me to choose a topic. I have so many topics that are so interesting and thought they're all beneficial for me personally. One topic stood out the most for me which I wrote an essay about it in the previous term and made an impact to me personally. It was about "Third Genders". This was very interesting in some cultures and felt like I could touch everything that relates to this topic. It was somehow a sense of comfort as I made a connection with it. On the other hand, I felt like that there are other topics that might trigger me to change my research. As for now I will stick to this wonderful and amazing topic. I hope it turns out the way I expected it to be.

The Special One...The Last One...

After all the drama that happened, nothing has changed and it was almost time for Sabine to go back to California. She strongly suggested that Kitty or her boys could visit and stay as long as they want. I also agree for her to go with Sabine, which made me realize maybe there is more between the two of them. As Kitty continues to make up her mind throughout Bertie's wedding, they all agree that Kitty is going and that's a final answer, according to Dot. Dot also stated to concentrate on Bertie's special day and have her get ready.

The book continue to talk about the wedding and how Parsifal should be here. The wedding seemed so simple, elegant, and beautiful. The party was great and everyone was enjoying themselves. The night keeps getting better as Sabine too performed a trick and had a little girl volunteer. It was such a great feeling to that you know everyone around you is happy. :) As Sabine sits after her performance, Bertie brings over the nice cake to Sabine and talk about Parsifal. How it possibly be that Guy have met Bertie when she was younger. There it was the last sentence of the book that stated their last conversation and I was sad.:(

Ann Patchet is a great writer and I love everything about this story. I love her writing and thought it was very powerful or should I say magical. I really believed that something influenced her writing and I want to go behind this book. I would love to know more about the author. As I flipped through the last pages, there was a picture of Ann Patchet and a tiny bio of her. I saw that she's from Los Angeles and wondered if this was her, because she is very beautiful and looked heavenly. I give her five stars and a standing ovation. The best book ever.

The Special One...Part Ten...

This part of the book focuses on Kitty and Sabine and as I mentioned on my previous post, this will be interesting between the two relationship, but it feels like it is taking forever to find my personal answers. Both, Kitty and Sabine mention that they somehow relate to Parsifal or Guy, which is somehow awkward, but makes sense as to why they both feel that way towards each other. Some reasons are that Sabine shares the most time with Parsifal and Kitty's appearance who resembles Guy. They both lost a connection with a love one and share the qualities of a great person. I know that sometime soon they'll eventually have something special.

Moving on, the girls all decide to watch the film from the Johnny Carson show which also resembled a girls slumber party. Dot, Kitty, then Sabine sat on the couch and were steady as they watch. Dot tears first, triggers Sabine, and passes it on to Kitty. It almost made me tear too and made me feel like someone was missing in my life, like a lost relative, even though I can't put my finger on it.

Later as the night ends, Sabine was ready for bed and Kitty decides to say good night then kisses her. The kiss wasn't on the cheek or the forehead, it was on the lips! Oh my god! how the book put its sentences together....It was amazingly put well together, most especially when it made me feel as if I was the one in that awkward moment. The kiss turned out to be two kisses and they just immediately looked at each other as if it wasn't uncomfortable or eccentric.

On the next day, Kitty rushed out of the home but still kisses Sabine on the forehead as she begins her regular day and she never thought of anything else, but moved on as if nothing happens. My oh my! How it gave me a backflash! It was like the time I had with my ex that wasn't suppose to happen. My memories are taking me back to where it all began. What a book that trigger such awful and ridiculous memory. I am constantly smiling with a chuckle.

Jumping to the night, Kitty just ends up on sitting on the end of Sabine's bed and they began to talk. The book really defined the confusion of what they wanted to say, but clearly understood what has happened and what was going on. Without anything happening they still end a comforting night for the two of them and wait for the next day. When they spend more and more time together, it was becoming very difficult for someone to accept and that was Kitty's husband.

Later that day, Howard visits Sabine, but stands across the road and speaks loudly to Sabine. He treathened her to leave his wife and kids alone, even though nothing was mentioned. I was beginning to see that probably Sabine and Kitty won't get any further than a kiss. Regardless, something will happen towards Sabine.

As I read further, I was right, drama happened at home. Howard was fighting with Kitty and by the time Sabine checks up on the situation, there was a small cut on her cheek with little blood. Then, Howard stabbed the table with a knife in front of Kitty and Sabine, eventually the two boys wakes up and goes into the kitchen. Sabine wasn't afraid and did face Howard. She was slammed down to the ground and was yelled at. I really thought that this is embarrassing for him to do this, but damn his gut feeling was somehow right about Sabine and Kitty. Later, the drama ended quickly and the night ended peacefully. I am so thankful because I was beginning to think that someone else was going to be rushed to the hospital.

On the other hand, I am saddened as the book gets closer to the last page, but I do love this book so much.

The Special One...Part Nine...

As I began where I left off, I noticed some words were in French and surprisingly, I knew how to pronounce some of the words. I love the differences of their cultures and how different cities reunite long lost loved ones. Furthermore, Sabine teaches a trick to Howard or Lo and I thought she would never try to do magic again. It was such a great moment that she was playing with kids and without notice, she was being a great aunt. Soon, Bertie got through an accident at home and was rushed to the same hospital where Kitty shared great and awful memories. As they were in the hospital drama occurs between the family and it defintely surprises Sabine. She never knew that there was so much drama in such a little town compared to LA. I totally agree, because the drama is BIGGER when the community is SMALLER.

For example, Tinian, an island where I also am from is populated of about 5,000 people or a little more. This area covers drama from the littlest kid to the oldest person in the village and everyone would be aware of what was going on in seconds. Thankfully, I also grew up in the capital, Saipan. The island is populated about 40,000 people, if I am not mistaken and this is where drama doesn't happen often, so it does make sense to what I stated earlier.

Back to the book, the drama soon ended and everyone parted ways. The result led to Kitty and Howard splitting for some time because he was getting too out of hand. Dot (Parsifal's mom) mentions to Sabine, how she wants Kitty and Howard to divorce and Haas and Bertie to get married, but it seems that it is going the way she wanted to. Thank god this is not happening to my family. Later, Sabine reads a book called "The return of the Native", which the title sounds so interesting enough to make you want to read. As a result, I searched the book and found it! It was first published in 1878 and written by Thomas Hardy. I love how this book states realistic evidence and motivates me throughout the story. In the end, I hope that it turns out to something special.

The Special One...Part Eight...

When I returned reading on the section I left off, I've discovered the famous store, Wal-Mart. This is an amazing store filled with almost everything you need, although some of the stores have the worst customer service ever. They don't even have telephone etiquette and personality. On the other hand, it just brings you back in to shop and find the things you need at a reasonable price. Anyway, Wal-mart is where Parsifal's family would go to for almost anything, most especially Kitty. Kitty would bring her mom to talk to her personally; would bring Bertie just to see people; bring her family when the weather is ridiculous or when they're bored; And now, She brings Sabine shopping for her project on the invitations, but also buys men's blue denim jeans. I hope she doesn't try to  look like Guy.

Another significant building is the hospital, Box Butte Hospital. This is the hospital where the cops brought Mr. Fetters after he died; When Howard Sr was in an accident; and where Kitty got married. This also seems like the only hospital in the city too. I think the name is absurd and odd for a hospital. Alliance feels like a place for deep and closed minded people, the kind that everyone knows your business. Everyone had the same fashion and it completely makes sense. It seems like the Alliance is pretty small and separated from the other cities. Maybe I should look it up and learn about the city.

Sabine questions how long they're married? and Kitty responds "I am 44 years old, so 24". This conversation ignited my curiousity between the two of them as if they end up as lovers or something that will bring them closer than ever, but I maybe wrong. Eventually, they both share memories about Guy and he definitely sounds like a great kid that anyone could have. They shared the egg trick story of how Parisfal tried so hard to accomplish when he was young and how he mastered it and toy it with Phan constantly that brought so much laughter and joy. It really is pleasing and enjoying to hear the two different stories that share one thing in common.

Speaking of Phan, Sabine continues to have another dream from time to time, but this time Parsifal is there. These type of dream in my culture means that our beloved ones who passed are visiting you and a sign of guidance. I have never had this experience but knew so many who did. Furthermore, her dream became the memories she experience in the past and she remembers how Phan was so great in sewing. It sounded as if Phan could so sew anything and turn into something so beautiful that meant perfection. It was really amazing to read about how he also is the stylist for Sabine and Parsifal. In addition, I plan to take a sewing class to learn how to become a stylist and thanked the book for also contributing my interest. Love it!!

The Special One...Part Seven...

As Sabine grew comfort from Parsifal's family, it seemed as if she was the person that should've been there since day one. Soon, Sabine finally meets Kitty's family, most especially the boys, one of them was named after Guy(Parsifal) and the other Howard after her husband. In addition, Howard introduces himself as 'Lo to Sabine. I was so surprised and shocked. OMG!! My name is there too! I'm smiling with joy! Although I was wondering how come the name was spelled 'Lo, because in my language it is spelled Lo'. Either way I am still flattered and excited! So Lo and Guy greatly resembled their uncle and Sabine was dazing off and seemed so lost with their looks. Later, the girls conversated about kids with Sabine and she mentioned that Phan and Parsifal have talked about kids, but they didn't mention it after Phan had a blood test, which must be a depressing moment at that time.

As the conversation continue, they talk about everyone in the family, mostly that relates to Parsifal. The interesting part is that Dot mentioned to Sabine that Kitty's husband, Howard doesn't know that Parsifal is gay and should be left alone. The reason was because his son is named after his uncle who killed his grandfather and what more if he was gay. I was really a bit annoyed of how they kept this as a secret but still Sabine ignore the situation as if it wasn't worth to talk about.

After the conversation ended, they've decided to watch the Johnny Carson show that was recorded on a VHS Cassette tape, where Sabine and Parsifal performed before. They tell Sabine that they watch the first five minutes from time to time and the full show on special holidays such as Christmas. This made me feel so sad because I could imagine my family just watching the only memory they have of me. This really makes me miss my family so much. Back to the show, they began to compliment Sabine of how beautiful she was, most especially with her dress, which I think was very nice of them to share. The show began and the magic was based on gravity where Sabine would lie down and float in the air with two chairs along her side. I could imagine the trick and thought it was extremely awesome. Now I am moved to watch a show or watch a movie on magic.

When they finished, they striked up a new conversation and told Sabine that she was very alike to Guy. Dot mentioned that Guy told her that he did the right thing when he killed his father. I am surprised and wouldn't know anyone who would say something like that, but I completely understand the situation even though I didn't agree to it. I've wondered if Mr. Fetters was abused growing up or was there something wrong? Moments later, Sabine tries to imagine what was Guy's life like as a child and tried to do the things he enjoyed doing as a child. This made me realize that she really do miss Guy or Parsifal so much.

I feel like the connection they've had is really special and the relationship they had was entirely unique and rare. I somehow understand the connection which I am completely amazed and trying to thing if I ever had experience to something like this.

The Special One...Part Six...

After Sabine's break down, they went home to relax and she immediately recovered. A new conversation sparked up between the three of them. Sabine was curious about Parsifal's father and so she asked without hesitation. Mrs. Fetters responded that his father had an accidental death when she was pregnant with Bertie. I was thinking that it was probably a car accident. Mrs. Fetters began to question Sabine by asking her when did she first meet Parsifal and I knew how they met, but it wasn't elaborated. I was so excited to hear this part because I am a very detailed person. Sabine and Parsifal met when she worked as a waitress at the Magician's Hat while Parsifal was performing. She was stunned by his gorgeous face in that tuxedo and stared at him heavenly, eventually he picked on her to be his volunteer and from there it all began.

Sabine noticed everything about Parsifal which I thought was absurdly amazing. Sabine even mentioned that Parsifal had great taste in men and the relationship between he and Phan was true love. For homosexuals, love is really rare and it is kind of sad to see that the community is known for it's promiscuous actions. That is one part I really hate about the community and it is really annoying. I wish that people would just realize that there are more to life than hooking up for a one night stand and that they should be aware of their feelings.

Moving on, the conversation led to the wedding day of Sabine and Parsifal. This special day was very simple, beautiful, and very classy. It was held at their beautiful home by the pool and almost everyone attended including architects, antique people, and all the magicians. By the end of the night, Parsifal said to Sabine "My wife, My beautiful wife" as they dance and then kisses her, they both laugh before parting ways to end the night. At that moment, it really threw me off and made me realize this is one beautiful and rare relationship they share. In addition, their wedding song was "Girl from Ipanema" and ofcourse I looked for it. OMG!! It popped up on youtube and the song is real!

Although the song was really light and comforting, but the lyrics really symbolizes the relationship between Sabine and Parsifal. It was something different to me and hopefully I have the right artist to the song, because there was so many. Later, they found a picture of Kitty in Parsifal's photo box collection. Mrs Fetters was very excited about it and knew that he would have at least a picture of his sister. He was very close to Kitty as I am to my sister and was awesome.

As the conversation ended they eventually need to head to the airport for Mrs. Fetters and Birdie to head home and as they were about to say farewell to each other, Mrs. Fetters asks Sabine to come with. It was definitely a surprise and Sabine couldn't as she needed to take care things at home. A few days later she recieved a letter from Mrs. Fetters and it came with photographs they took together, in addition, a similar photo to Kitty's picture that they've found was also attached to the picture. Sabine was so surprised how Guy or Parsifal looked exactly like his sister. It was so odd but good.

I question this story more and more as if Ann Pachet, the author, was writing about someone she knew or someone in any relation to her. I am amazed and cant wait to see what happens next.

The Special One...Part Five...

Continuing from the conversation they're having. Mrs. Fetters was born in Alliance and did not leave her hometown and when raising her kids, she knew that Guy was gay since he was three or four, which I am not surprised. She stated that there was a little trouble when he was 14, that is messing around with friends, playing games that she knew weren't games. This reminds me of some of the people who shared stories that weren't aware of their sexuality and felt as if they're okay to make any moves among their friends. In her own response she sent him to Bible Camp and then to the Nebraska Boys Reformatory Facility in Lowell to get cured. I am disappointed how she took this action to the extreme and never mentioned any conversations with Guy, it was really making me feel that she wasn't supportive with him.

She also mentioned that when he returned home at the age of 18, he packed up his stuff and left. So, my previous blog was a guess with Sabine.Time goes by and she still blamed him, but she realize that it was herself to blame. I mean who would want to be sent off to that kind of facility where trouble kids go to as well as other disturbed children. Maybe that's the entire reason why Guy left but I have a feeling that there are more reasons for him not to return. The conversation soon ends and that Mrs. Fetters asked for a favor from Sabine. She asked if she could stay one more day and to visit places where Guy spend his time and what he liked. I really think that was beautiful and very human for Sabine to do for Mrs. Fetters and Bertie.

The following day, Sabine first brought them over to Parsifal's Rug Store because she mentioned to Mrs Fetters that Parsifal didn't make a living off of magic, it was a terrible life. One of the Rug stores was well taken care of by Salvio, a Nepalese guy who worked for Parsifal for the longest time. He was very kind and respectful type of guy which was great. Another special thing about the store is that this is where Parsifal and Phan first met and I thought that it was really cute. Next, she brought them to the Magician's Club where all the magicians perform and compete. As they all sit and talk, one magician at a time began to share memories of Parsifal, it turned out to be an amazing moment, because how they respected Mrs. Fetters and Bertie by kissing their hands. This demonstrated how they all absolutely love him and it was heart warming.

As they spend most of their time one magician called upon Sabine to assist him, she knew the trick, but it brought back memories of her and Parsifal, which led her to break down. I knew that kind of pain and it really squeeze my heart to see her in pain. Thankfully, Mrs Fetters and Bertie were there to save her and comfort her. I feel like the Fetters are really good people and deserve a second chance from Parsifal. The book is really entertaining and my emotions continue to change as I read through.

The Special One...Part Four...

Coninuing the amazing book. As I mentioned on my previous blog, Parsifal shared a secret that he had a crush on Johnny Carson, which was funny because his mom did like him too, in a different way of course. It made Sabine think that she may not seem to be a bad mother after all. After they get through the day, Sabine is alone again and it worries me if she'll be okay and get through another night, but it turned out painfully as she cut herself on her palm as she dazed off while doing some sort of art. She was completely lost and it was painful as I imagined.

During the accident, her phone rings and it was from Parsifal's mother calling her to the bar to conversate over drinks, and thankfully it snapped her out of it. I actually think that having conversations over drinks is somehow helpful, especially when things are going to expose. Then, Sabine arrives and they began exchanging answers they seek for. One particular question was why did Parsifal say his family are dead? I waited patiently and finally got to this point. When Sabine told his mother what Parsifal said, Mrs. Fetters was completely hysterical and replied "What kind of mother do to make her son say that she's dead, the whole family dead?". I continue to wonder what happen and still I did not find any answers, but I am sure it'll be found anytime soon.

During their conversation, Mrs. Fetters stated that Guy (Parsifal) was homosexual and it did not surprise me at all. I mean every mother knows their child more than anything in the world.  And as they continue to throw questions back and fourth about almost anything, the answers were coming out interesting and pleasing. The two are building a some sort of connection that was nice, although they had to cut it short as Mrs. Fetters notices the cut on Sabine's palm, which also reminded her of Parsifal or Guy's accident as a child. They rushed to the hospital together and have it all taken care of, thanks to Mrs. Fetters.

Regardless of the situation they continue to talk and I thought it was funny, most especially when they talk about love for Parsifal or Guy, which Mrs. Fetters stated "Everyone was in love with that boy", as Sabine becomes embarrassed. He must have been drop dead gorgeous and I try to imagine his face in my mind. It turns out to be difficult to picture him. On the other hand, Sabine expresses her memories with Parsifal to his mother about how they somehow broke up even though they're not together, but yet she thought she was patient to wait for him :(. More and more of mixed feelings build up as they conversate and I can't wait to get more answers. It is entirely amazing so far.

The Special One...Part Three..

Guy Fetters aka Parsifal had a mother and 2 sisters, one had children. I've recently found out that he left at the age of 14. My oh my that is so young and I wouldn't know how could he survived it. It didn't state whether he ran away or just respectfully walk away. The only evidence was a postcard from his mother that sounded so warming and that was greatly missed. I question what was Parsifal's reason to leave his family at a young age and how did he survive to support himself. It would be painful to find out if it was all negative. In addition, I cannot imagine what would it feel like if a mother does not keep in touch with her children at least. My mother and I need to speak to each other at least every other day. Just even thinking about her makes me miss my family terribly.

Furthermore, Sabine arranged on meeting Parsifal's mother and sister. If they could see his grave at least and say their good-byes. I don't think I've met someone that has done something like this, but I've known some people who didn't even say their good-byes. For instance, my uncle Tom, who is my dad's brother that I've only met through the phone and that was so many years ago. I have no knowledge of who he is and just know a minimal amount of information such as where he lived and a pic or two of how he looked like. I am pretty sure that my uncle never really had the chance to say good-bye to my uncle Oscar who passed three years ago. My dads family doesn't keep in touch because of their selfishness and ignorance. I really don't like them, but it is sad that I'm still meeting some of them.

Anyway,  I found great information that Phan is part Vietnamese and French. A unique combo of ethnicity, it must be really different culturally. I've wondered if he was born in the United States. Moving on, Parsifal's family finally flew over to visit and as soon as they landed, they went straight to the grave after visiting Sabine's new home. Parsifal's mother questions about the pictures of Phan around the house and the marriage of Sabine. During the visit of the grave, Parsifal's mother questions about Phan's grave and said without hesitation that his son was so generous to give a plot to Phan and Sabine instantly replied that it was Phan who gave the the plot. This is where I believe the puzzles began to piece together and I feel that the mystery will soon be exposed.

The Special One...Part Two...

The relationship between Parsifal and Sabine is beautiful and vey passionate. They shared more secrets when they were married, most especially when Parsifal shared his secret crush growing up and that was Johnny Carson. I, on the other hand, do not know who is Johnny Carson and my curiousity led me to find out if he was just a character in the book or does he live in our world? I began my search instantly.

As a result, Johnny Carson is absolutely 100% real. The funny thing is that when I did my first search on my phone the results turned out to be shockingly ridiculous. The headline of the result was under news titled "Johnny Carson Sex Tape Hits the Market" from TMZ just exactly 10 minutes ago. I was so shocked to see that this was the outcome of the search, although I definitely scanned through his official page. It turned out that Johnny Carson was an interesting man. A handsome fellow with a great personality and I believed that was the reason why Parsifal had a huge crush on him.

Moving on, Sabine had inherited everything from Parsifal and it was weird how she would spend time in Phan and Parsifal's master bedroom and lie depressingly thinking of their memories. It must have been super hard for her and reading through was actually making my eyes a bit watery. As I held back my eyes, I thought to myself how this woman is truly incredible even when she spilled Parsifal's ashes by Phan's grave. I wouldn't be able to handle this situation and it seemed like it is becoming too overwhelming.

Afterwards, a lady gives a Sabine a ring and asking if she was Mrs. Fetters and I knew it was referring to her, but somehow got me slightly confused. Because I didn't know what was Parsifal's full name or real name by birth. When Parsifal mentioned that no family was alive, but a sister named Helen, it made me think that it was Helen calling. Surprisingly, it wasn't Helen, it was Parsifal's mother and she told Sabine that his name is Guy Fetters. It was odd and made me wonder why would he change his name and hide his family or say they didn't exist.

Secrets after secrets were exposing itself as time goes by. Speaking of secrets, Sabine found some of Parsifal's personal belongings, letters from Phan and different men. Oh my gosh! this is really sad to find. Sabine is totally in pain and I just don't know what to tell her or how to comfort her if I was there. I mean loving someone deeply and extremely is equally painful and distasteful. I could see that there was more pain on Sabine. I feel so sorry for her as if she was someone I knew who had a broken down into pieces. I don't like to see people in pain. I just hate it!

I know later everything will be resolved but for now this excruciating pain will be long gone as I read through. I just can't wait to see the happy part of Sabine. She really deserves a lot and should be enormously rewarded anytime soon.

The Special One...Part One...

This book is definitely going to be a joy ride. When I first picked up the book at the PCC Library, I knew that this book is something different, something unique and special. The book cover too was pretty and the image was kind of interesting, it was like something that you could daze off and imagine nothing. As I flipped the page, I realize that there was a short summary that was attached to the book cover and I completely ignored it. The reason was for me to be surprised and not having any idea about the story. 

I flipped again and there was the magnificent title "The Magician's Assistant". The next page had the same title but came with a name just a few inches below it, Ann Patchett and made me wonder where is this author originally from? or what is her ethnic background? I ignored my questions and continue to flip the next few pages. One of the pages was a dedication to two women and the other was stated "At the intersection of George Burns and Gracie Allen". My curiousity continue to grow, but still I ignored it and couldn't wait to read it.

The first page of the story started with "PARSIFAL IS DEAD. That is the end of the story." I was like Dang, that was really intense and shocking to me. It was very new to me, most especially that the author just started her writing differently. I was super impressed and slightly confused. I said to myself "Oh My God!" like twice. Anyway, I read through and everyone seemed to be dead already except Sabine. It started with how she was by Parsifal side as he waits for his time to come though seemed like it was at any second. Phan died also just 14 months ago and it must have been really difficult for Sabine.

Sabine is really something and I am saddened for the situation she is in. On the other hand, when they mentioned how they met, it was very sweet and heart warming. She was 19 and Parsifal was 24. Parsifal was doing a show and she was a volunteer. Sabine was instantly in love with Parsifal and she definitely caught his attention to be a part of his life. I love that she took the glass of water from him which made a huge impact even though she was done volunteering for him. Later, she instantly became the assistant. I saw the love was different among the two and it was somehow satisfying.

Sabine was in love with him and was content with the situation she was in. Sabine began to dream of what she remembers of Parsifal and Phan, which made me realize that was probably part of grieving. As I read along, there was a part the caught my attention when Sabine spoke to her parents and it really made an impact on myself, it was when she told her parents "You don't always get what you want!". Never in my life has someone ever told me those painful honest words and wouldn't want to hear it. It really made me see that sometimes in life people should be content with what they have as I am too. For instance, I wanted my dream car, a Scion TC, even though it was affordable, I still couldn't get it, but I bought a Ford Escape, an SUV that I am very much content with. 

Another touching moment was when Parsifal told Sabine that he wanted her to be his widow and deserve to be married. I honestly think it was beautiful, but I strongly feel that people would oppose of this and don't clearly understand what was meant. I am understanding every word and knew what she was talking about. I felt the author's writing and could truly understand what was going on. So many things to say and I am enjoying every single page. An unforgettable story.

A Memorable and Beautiful History Chapter Five...

The final chapter of the book :(. This section is called the "Current Waves". I've wondered if this will provide the most recent information since it was published in 2009. This was five years ago and felt like it was last year. Anyways, it started with a positive information about accepting transgender into law meaning that transgendered people are allowed to change their identity.

Furthermore, this chapter covered some interviews done with Susan Stryker. It was nice to see what she is doing and I admire her work so much that I am falling in love with it. She also wrote about Aids and the "New Transgender" and it made me felt agitated because of how people thought Aids was only caused by homosexuals. She also mentioned other activists and organization who fought for equality which was heart warming to me.

On one of the articles she posted, it stated " Remembering Our Dead". I was so sad  to see this part of the book and it's hard to imagine what has happened. As I read the article, Teena Brandon, respectfully Brandon, had a great impact all over the United States with her tragic death. Her story soon turned into a movie called "Boys don't Cry", this movie took me forever to find, most especially the price they had on to watch on comcast. Another movie called "A Girl like Me" was also a cover story of Gwen Araujo death. I remember watching this when it first aired on Lifetime television. These are horrible and depressing stories and I wouldn't want anyone to go through this.

Moreover, the section covered more Transgender Rights and projects created to share awareness on hatecrime and also listed shows and events that highlighted the Transgender community. I really love this book and wish there are more information. After reading the book I went further to the end, reading every word in the book. In the end, there was Readers Guide, Further Reading and Resources, Sources of the book, Index, About the Author, and Credits.

It was a diamond! I would purchase this book and use it in the future for my studies. A humble gratitude for those who continue to fight for equality who are truly respected. A great honor for Susan Stryker. :)

A Memorable and Beautiful History Chapter Four...

This heading of this chapter is really sad to read as it says "The Difficult Decades". I could imagined what happened to some people. Although in the first paragraph it stated that around the 1970s had undergone some startling transformation. For instance, a woman wearing pants would raise eyebrows while men with hair long enough to reach his collar would be looked at with suspicion. Unisex fashion was common and this reminded me of the Rock Stars I've learned recently called The New York Dolls, it is an all man band with unisex fashion that includes the flamboyant high heels. It was admiring and brave to actually watch a video for my other class.

Another heading was backlash and watershed. This section was like a civil war that felt like people were dying all around and were caused from the people who should protect us, that is the government officials. As I read deeper into this section, it was already too late. People have died and it felt like something pierced right through the left side of my chest. I wish that the situation ended in classy and respected way.

During all this tragedy, good news stood out for the transgender community and was called "the big science", in other words, the complete transformation of transgender - moving from gender to another. After the transition, yet still other horrible arguments still exist. The best part is that the community never backed down on this fight. I would laugh at this part because I've always seen the gay community as a very feminine and if any debate or argument is brought up, they fiercely stood firm and never give up, similar to masculine role.

In regards to the war, people create an organization from left to right and come up with the most amusing names, such as, WITCH which means Women's International Terrorist Conspiracy from Hell, The Radicalesbians, and much much more. As the fight continue, the devastation grew, people were suffering continuously. It seemed so frightening and I wouldn't know how to handle it if I was ever placed in that situation.

People were really at war and they have so many ways to destroy one another, most especially those who oppose the transgender community. It's sad that some people brought this situation over the boundary and continue to harm anyone or anything that's stood in it's path. I congratulate those who strive for the betterment of the community. This section covered so much and is so depressing. I really hope that this part of history don't repeat itself.

A Memorable and Beautiful History Chapter Three...

Chapter Three: Transgender Liberation. It is a great start off and my eyes are still happy as I continue to read. One particular article stood out so quickly and it was about Street Queens. A very short article that consists of two paragraph about a person who I believe is heterosexual arrived in Los Angeles and met a drag queen. She was welcoming and that's how it is, but it is awkward for those who are straight. This guy observed the queens and that he was surprised that they referred to each other as "SHE" while they consider their partners as husbands. A typical boy and girl relationship which is very admiring. :)

Another article was surprising when it mentioned that some queens considered themselves to be gay men rather than a transwomen. Just similar to the author as a transgendered lesbian which is no longer eccentric to me. It made me realize that there are different people and the main issue of it all is acceptance. It was impressive how this part of history was also shared with Martin Luther King Jr and President John F. Kennedy during the most militant phase of transgendered movement for social change. I am proud to read that they actually made an impact. People who are different really worked together just to even share the word equality as it also stated trans, gay, and prostitutes fought together.

In addition to the fight, World War II also was involve, mainly the soldiers who were warned about sexual transmitted diseases should not have sex before wartime that might affect their combat skills and might spread through homosexual activity. This sounded so sad for our government who couldn't handle it in a better response. I believe they should make a documentary on this book or a movie or anything. In regards to conflict, even the Methodist church too share their support for the homosexuals. I am amazed with all the support and the help they provided during the movement.

This chapter was hard to describe and so many information to take in. Overall, I am relieved with how equality and acceptance is improving today and a humble gratitude for those who fought for it. It really opened my eyes to appreciate those who greatly influence the social movement.

A Memorable and Beautiful History Chapter Two...

This chapter really covers the hundred years of history as I mentioned on my previous blog. I was excited reading this part because I've been waiting for this kind of information to be exploited to the public. As I read through and flipped the next page, she stated laws that were passed for those who "cross dress" who would be found guilty of misdemeanor, funny thing is that it was a "HE" that was stated, so "HE" should be guilty of misdemeanor, and on conviction, shall pay a fine of five hundred dollars. Apparently, only guys are mentioned and it is so stupid. And so this was in 1863 and this means that it must have been a big fee like 5,000 dollars for this current year, which I may be wrong and only guessing.

Columbus,Ohio was the second to abolish the law right after San Francisco, California. There was a list and it seemed like all those cities across the US that passed the law were prejudice, ignorant and ridiculously stupid. Although those places on the list like: Minnesota, Iowa, Texas, etc, were probably still facing the struggle of accepting even though the law was probably removed. I think! Anyways, I thought the list ended in the 18th century but what the hell, it didn't. The last law was passed in 1974 from Ohio again, such a malicious state. I see it almost resembles Lake Oswego, no offense to those who live there but to those who act prejudice.

Adding on to prejudice was science that became powerful than religion as so the book says and the outcome was that scientists could actually have all the answers to what should be right and good. This part of the chapter is really annoying, most especially when the nazis are also included. Adolf Hitler shouldn't be born into this world seriously. I am amazed how everything is connecting back to Transgender.

Susan Stryker also mentioned about a scientist or psychiatrist named Magnus Hirschfield, he studied sex in Europe. She cited his work about one person who called himself Jane, Johanna, and John. It was short and somehow tangible. I would love to read about Magnus work even though the Nazis almost burned every document he recorded.  All that hard work and dedication could've made an enormous difference in the world.

The best part of the chapter was the first famous drag queen Christine Jorgenson, who completed the transformation of a man into a woman. It is crazy how I watched her movie in netflix last year and instantly stated to my family that she was the first person to complete her transition and my family was a bit impressed. Then, it crashes down after reading about the government harrassment. My feelings are everywhere and I never felt this way in reading. I was excited, angry, happy, and now sad. All these amazing history is just entertaining for me to read and I am just devouring every word. I hope in the end that it'll be a happy ending.

A Memorable and Beautiful History Chapter One...

The first chapter focuses on terms and concepts to understand its' true meaning. I've always thought that Transgendered simply means crossing over to contain a gender or switching one gender to contain another. I love how Susan analyze the meaning, it really makes great sense. It was also nice to see that she's only covering a hundred years of history here in America, but I am also thinking about the years before that, it'll be awesome if I could access that information.

I've felt that there is a reason to why Transgendered or third gender are part of culture, most especially during the earliest time of human history. Furthermore, Susan mentioned that a slogan was made in the 1970s by the feminist movement which was also called "The personal is political", I, on the other hand, do not approve of this slogan, but willing to understand the concept and it's purpose, eventually this will win me over. Regardless of my negative thinking I know the outcome was positive. During the slogan, there was the waves of feminism that led to the war of equality in today's society. I find it interesting that they call it feminism because in the "homosexual" community we are all feminine.

Susan also cited from other books and stated it in this book which I look forward to reading. This gave me an idea to make my next selection to read and hopefully I could find it here in campus. One citation was mainly about the mystery of gender identity through biology and theories still left unanswered. The terms that was mentioned in her book really stood out and made a point.

The terms are Sex, Intersex, Morphology, Secondary Sex Characteristics, Gender, Gender Role, Gender Comportment, Gender Identity, Gender Identity Disorder, Sexuality, Transvestite, Cross Dresser, Transsexual, Transgender, Genderqueer, Alphabet soup, Gender-Neutral Pronouns, Cisgender and Cissexual, and Subcultural terms. These terms are mentioned and were elaborate wonderfully.I love everything and it should be a guide for those who are heterosexual or straight to understand and be open minded for those who struggle with homosexuals. It is truly amazing.

She also didn't make the book boring so far and added great evidence from citing. One particular photo in the book stood out the most, because it reminded me of how the transgender community from where I am from, that is Northern Marianas Islands, were very natural looking and blended right in. Unlike the "Drags" I've met, they just over did it. It was nice but rather admiring to be natural looking.

On the other hand, she listed some great media that recognize this culture which was enlightening. Another thing was religion. This part really feels like your parents stopping you from going to prom when you've been waiting for that special night. It is powerful and overwhelming and no matter what the debate will never end. I really love this book so far and I recommend anyone to read it.

A Memorable One...

The book I chose is for personal reasons: One: I am curious to find out how did this started; Two: What is behind the meaning; Three: Just my personal interest since I have many friends who are "Transgender". As soon as I opened the book, I felt comfortable, most especially when I read a short paragraph on the first page, which is a dedication note from the author, Susan Stryker. I enjoyed her note and made me believe that there are more good in life. The note says,

"The book is dedicated to all trans people who lived the lives that made history. I've outlined here, and to the community activists, too numerous to mention, who continue to advance the cause of social justice for transgender people everywhere."

 It is really inspiring for the author to make such a great note. She is very supportive towards this community and I truly admire her for what she does. Although it leaves me wondering, if one of her family members or friends are transgendered?

Before reading the further, I've realize that this maybe something educational rather than a story. The title itself explains the book as well as her dedication note. The book is called Transgender History.

As I flipped the next page, I've discovered she wrote a prologue and left a great importance of why it led her to her career today, sometimes I wish they provided that field of study in PCC. The book heightened my interest more than any other books I've read before. In addition, this book only covers the history of Transgender in the United States although I was hoping that the history will cover since the beginning of time.

On the other hand, I know it'll turn out to some great surprises, speaking of surprises, Susan Stryker is a transsexual person, in other words, she was born a male and transformed to a female in the late 1980's. She mentioned that she had no other transgendered or transsexual friends or family and was alone coming out. I believed that it must have been really difficult for her to "come out". Although it was really nice to finally find herself in a very comfortable position.

Another surprising moment is that Susan Stryker is a transsexual lesbian. I find that very interesting and strange, because born as a male and transformed into a female usually happens to being with a guy. I guess there are many other differences that exists in the world. I'll never be able to get this out of my head, because it was very new and positively eccentric. Someday I would love to meet the author and listen to stories personally. Her just writing a brief and narrow story of what she went through during her transformation was awful. It resembled to the experiences of most homosexuals.

What really triggered me was that she stated her situation at one point that she was unsafe in public.  I could imagine all the hardships she faced alone and it must be depressing if I ever get the chance to hear the details. She sounds so brave and very righteous. It is admiring for her to stay strong and fight for her passionate feelings. I am touched by how she reached out to the community and express what she believes in and simply that is EQUALITY.  I think I found a role model and people should be aware of who Susan Stryker is.

Another thing that caught my attention is that she mentioned San Francisco had the best historical materials for Gays, Lesbian, Bisexual, and Transgendered and that she is also a Professor at the college. I am so motivated to learn about her work and other events that she was a part of.  This concludes a standing ovation for Susan Stryker.

Angelique...The final Chapters - Eleven and Twelve...

As I read Chapter 11, it made me realize that Jade is overcoming Margaret and it feels like there is no turning back, and I feel sad for her. Jade admits in the very beginning that it is difficult for her to handle herself and hoping to stay strong for Margaret. Her sex drive was just very powerful that she could'nt help herself and would please herself anywhere and sometimes to anyone. I'm beginning to see that this is really a struggle. Moving on, it has been 3 months since her last visit to Anthony's office and she is returning soon to see if there is any improvement, but by the looks of it, I guess not.

Anthony really helped Jade come out and he went beyond his work to complete this transformation. Margaret mentioned that she knew what he'd done, the woman he'd created or brought fourth. Jade was controlling Anthony now and it seemed like it is turning into something better, which I am still hoping for a relationship between the two of them atleast. Jade shares so much of these stories in the book because she wanted Anthony to feel weak and finally give in to Jade, regardless he was still taking baby steps, and I think that it is a good sign. 

Jade supposedly went on a date with Anthony at a Ball, which sounded very sophisticated and elegant or posh. Jade questions him and never got any answers from him, it was like he was trying to point fingers to what direction she could find answers. Some people do that from time to time and I enjoy it. People have to remind me how strong I could be and what is important. People like Anthony is socially gifted and I understood why he had the perfect field of work.

Moving on, Amber was at the ball and had a small conversation with Jade, telling her that Anthony is great at his job and wanted to be good friends. I truly admire Amber's personality. On the other hand, Jade looks for Anthony at the fancy ball and described herself situation as Adam and Eve. It was really a good metaphor and that story didn't end well, but for Jade and Anthony, it was going through a beautiful ending. It was like the Cinderella story that never ended at Midnight. Their story ended with passionate love and it changed them after. They both continued on to the ball and ended the night perfectly. I am grateful for the turn out.

Chapter 12 was the shortest of all chapters. Jade began accepting herself and knew what Anthony had done for her. He showed her who she truly was and it was very soothing to read. Jade was actually a good character and made a good point, regardless if I think she was a slut. Jade made me think otherwise when she mentioned in the book "Most women would never do the things I have, but secretly wish they could. They wish they could live the things that only exist in their minds, in their fantasies." 

I grew to like her in the end and I am glad she found herself. Anthony taught her so much and she knows that he is the only man for her.  Anthony said "I love you. You know that don't you" . I am so pleased with the final chapter. I loved it. They moved on and shared their lives together and I hope to hear another story like this. On the very last part of the story Anthony asks Jade "Did you like what I did to you that night in the elevator?" I yelled and said OMG!! He was the first guy! The guy that took her virginity and disappeared. I am proud and relieved that it was Anthony. I am so grateful for them to be a happy couple. I have mixed emotions of the ending and it is all positive. The first book I've ever completed in my life, I think.

Angelique...Chapter Eight, Nine, and Ten

In chapter 8, I discovered that Margaret opened the doors for Jade. Jade just went for a stroll and she just let a man took control of her as she gets too excited. This was taken place in a subway tunnel. I really felt that she was very spontaneous and daring. I couldn't imagine any of my friends taking that risk. I guess it is because we rather be safe than sorry. I have good and bad things to say about Jade, I know I am judging her, but I am not like that, this here led me to express myself. Funny thing is I've never done this in person, but oh well, its just a book.

The good part about Jade is that she's very brave, bold, and confident, on the other hand, she is not careful, classy, and respectful towards herself. I'm beginning to dislike her because she could've handled her needs in a better situation.

Chapter 9 began at Anthony's building and on her way she couldn't stand Jade taking control, it was like she entered puberty again. It was really crazy to see her helpless with her emotions. She walks up to her office and instantly Anthony gave her a tease and a bit of light intimacy. I really think he has game with women and it made me wonder if he was married or divorced or something. He never gave Jade anything she craved for since the beginning, which is probably making her do all this crazy things.

I guess it's really changing her slowly with his therapy sessions, both mentally and physically. I really don't know what to say with his way of work, if it was too much or inappropriate. It was fine and I guess I have to see what happens in the end.

Chapter 10 was getting out of hand for Jade. It was like almost everything in her mind sets her to the erotic fantasy or daydream. Now I question myself how did she end up as a patient or client for Anthony. During her continuous imagination, she slowly passed out at the gas station. I was shocked could this really happen to anyone in the world. Later, I realized that maybe this girl planned it, even though it didn't seem like it. In the end, she screwed another stranger. It's really getting on my nerve that she's not having self respect, but it's cool. It's really up to her on how she runs her life.

Angelique...Chapter Six and Seven...

I was right since the beginning of Chapter One. This led to a connection between Jade and Anthony as well as Amber. The three of them went on to the beach, which I believe will end in romance and intimacy. This story keeps getting better and better. The previous writer had great scenery and stories, but easily to predict.. I like Angelique's form of writing, it just keeps you motivated to find out next. That is how to keep a person focused on reading a book.

Moving on, the three had light intimacy and was really surprising, because Anthony was the one he stopped it and said they will continue on Saturday. I began to think to myself that Guys are not all the same. They really have differences. It is only those who are incapable of love, romance, and care. I truly believe that it is only a challenge and it takes one person to actually challenge and lead them to that greater part of humanity.

In Chapter Seven, it was only her story in the elevator with a stranger and I think she lost her virginity there. I was bothered by it, because I was thinking for a special night for her. I feel like some people just couldn't wait for the right time or be even classy about it. I think people only realize their mistakes later in life, which is true. It's fine because they learn from it and it does better themselves.

Angelique...Chapter Five...

I recalled in Chapter four that Anthony will surprise Margaret for his next therapy or counseling session and it sounded too surprising as if something intimate was about to happen. So, in this chapter it started off when Amber was in Anthony's office and Margaret felt betrayed about it. She wanted to run, scream, and cry as her feelings were being stabbed, but not knowing why she felt like this. This made me remember when my friend messed around with my cousin and my bestie was there. We were having drinks by the beach and for some reason my bestie got all dramatic and giving attitude. I figured that he liked my cousin and he was angry like for no apparent reason, so he wanted me to drop him home, which I did. My cousin and I talked about it and said "he's jealous, whats wrong with him?". The next morning, my bestie and I talked about what had happen and he replies "I don't know why I felt that way, I was just super angry". I laughed so hard and said "Girl you like him".

The way my bestie and Margaret felt is like they owned someone and I wonder why did they feel that way. I've never seen anyone felt for someone so strongly and throw attitude. It reminded me when I was in high school, but I never show any emotion, it was a secret. As the story continues in session, Amber expressed that she has another personality and her name is Amanda similar to Margaret. I'm thinking what type of assistance is Anthony providing for those who are in this kind of situation. 

Margaret witnessed Janet's intimacy and thats how it became to her personality Jade. I think Jade was urging out of her and she began her search. Despite that she goes to catholic school. I feel like this a girls who attend catholic school are much worst than girls who go to an all public school, that is in sin, but nothing bad. On the other hand, Amber was really enjoying the Margaret story of unleashing Jade. I began to think if I had another personality, although different from Amber and Jade. I wonder what would it be.

I've realize a little bit of changes with me and I think the changes will be good and not harmful. I wouldn't be able to share in my blog. I found my other personality although I think it started when I moved to Oregon from the islands. This place really comforts you in the city and expresses how you feel. Maybe Amber and Jade is just an example and everyone could relate to it. I believe everyone has an incredible person within themselves. 

Angelique...Chapter Three and Four...

Chapter Three was pretty short and it only talked about how a friend named Lynn was actually improving her fashion wardrobe. Plain and simple, but it was nice. I was glad that Lynn was pointing out some stuff for Margaret to wear or make her feel comfortable in her own skin. I usually do that for my friends and it wasn't anything to put them down, it was to make them stand out. I like plain simple dressing that could stand out in the crowd. For example, a girl wearing a plain black dress could stand out more than anybody in the room. This was the beginning of Jade. It took baby steps and all it took was her glasses.

In Chapter four, it began with a full new look and when she stood against the mirror, she says " Jade stood before me". I was already thinking that Jade was going to make history when her night begins. It just took a few adjustments for her to realize how beautiful and attractive she is. This actually boost up confidence and it feels great. Personally, I love dressing up and impressing myself, it really gives you motivation and leads to a more positive lifestyle. I really think people should do this occasionally and not like an everyday thing. Back to the story, Margaret just couldn't stand her sexual feelings, most especially when she thinks of Anthony and Amber, the psychiatrist and the sexy co-worker. It's like she's a virgin and it's really funny to think how virgins would go through this experience.

The story really gets better at each chapter and I wished they made a movie out of this, but a bit more classy than the book.

Angelique...Chapter Two...

I am assuming that this is another story just like how Nia Dixon wrote for every chapter of the book. This story began by a girl raised by strict old fashioned parents. I was also raised the same and it got stricter when my aunt took me in, not because I was troubled, but because she didn't have any kids. My aunt was the most loving person and she is my second mother :). The girl and I share some house rules and they are: Go to bed at ten, curfew at twelve, and the list goes on. Sex was never a conversation with families where I come from, it just comes from school and other agencies who educated people. It was very typical and it wasn't an issue. 

In the middle of the chapter, the story mentioned Margaret and I was excited to hear about her childhood story to what became Margaret and Jade. This girl was tall, skinny, and geeky, which she was bullied for. Funny thing is that geeky people are left alone when I was growing up, it was those who were trouble makers were bullied, which I think is a little weird now and find it surprising. Anyways, the story relates to other famous stories or movies that geeky girls want to be like the popular girls and that really annoys me. It is really entertaining though. On the other hand, Margaret is actually exposing Jade by her emotions overruling her, but had to be stopped because lack of privacy. 

Eventually she meets Janet, a girl from school. Janet was just a friend and nothing else, she was someone she could relate to, but they're different. Janet seemed like a gothic bad girl. I find that to be interesting of a friendship. But as the story goes, shes actually sharing it with Anthony. This leading to some sort of connection between Margaret and Anthony. I know in the end something is going to happen between the two of them, which was not mentioned at the end of the story. It is still a continuation.