The Unwanted Pt II...

There are many reasons why my brother and I have encountered issues from his girlfriend is because he learned how to be selfish, controlling, careless, and somewhat thoughtless. It was absolutely disgusting because my parents never raised us to be this kind of person and it is in fact annoying me at this moment writing and talking about it. I have never felt so angry and hurt at the same time.

Here are the examples:

I could buy a case of gatorade and share with the entire household without any complains.
My brother buys a case of gatorade and lightly shares, the bottles I drink should sometime be replaced.

I have a car and I could take anyone around without charging for gas or other expense.
They have a car and charged me gas weekly and require service for the car.

They're aware of our mothers illness but never seemed to check up on her
I stress over the health of my mother and worry about what will be the outcome.

They expect so much help when it comes to family events such as parties.
They won't provide anything when it will come to your turn.

These examples are just small ones, but you get the picture of how someone could irritate you with all their expectations and never really care about you. I've always understood how people are, but enough is enough. I couldn't take it anymore and couldn't stand anyone who is selfish. It is like an automatic response for me to despise someone who share that quality of that deviant personality. I never really claim or expect anything in return at all, it is just so exhausting when people say "When it was me" or  "How about the time you..." or "I did this and now you have to..." and not realize what others have done for them. I do not know why they're inconsiderate and yet to turn things around that I am the bad guy.

Everyone who knew my brother said that he changed and she was the cause of this. The couple have been together for more than 10 years since high school or something. I understand completely about their relationship and how they've become as one, but seriously like that? I lived with my brother for exactly a year and seven months and to even think of the damages that were made. Regardless of the situation, They brought joy to my life with two special boys that I care for greatly. My nephews who I love dearly would not be seen again until time flies by and we both become more comfortable. I miss them greatly but I feel like the animosity I have against my brother will not let me see them and I understood it with myself that it was wrong and I couldn't do it.

The Unwanted...

My story...

I am from the Commonwealth of the Northern Marianas Islands. Most people are unfamiliar from where I am from and thats the sad part, regardless that the territory played a significant role during the World War II, it is still the mystery throughout the United States. This US territory consist of 14 beautiful islands and I am glad to be raised in two different islands. In addition, Guam used to be a part of this territory and became a part of US before the rest of the islands while we were under the control of the Japanese administration. Until this day, the difference is only the government among the 15 islands. Guam being federalize while the rest are self-governed, similar to Puerto Rico.

 Moving on, I was born at the stroke of midnight on October 16, 1987 in the island of Saipan, the capital of the Northern Marianas Islands. Although I was told by my mother that I was actually born around 10 p.m. which the nurse asked if she would like to record my information on what was stated on my actual birth certificate today. In addition, she mentioned that the nurse was actually someone who is feminine similar to a Palao'ana (Third Gender). And months before that, my ultrasound stated that I was a girl, which the doctor informed my mother. My mothers reaction was never been happy since her eldest was a boy named Sandy. He was named after my grandfather while my name is Eulogio Camacho King Jr, named after my father, even though I looked exactly like my mother.

Unfortunately, something grew and is sometimes a disappointment to me when my mother gave birth to me. Everyone in my entire family was really expecting a girl. My chosen Godmother was even ready to baptize me as soon as I entered this world. She was too excited to the point that she bought my baptismal dress that turned out to be a Gold dress. Those dresses are made for both sexes although they only have a slight difference that could tell which ones are actually made for girls or boys. They're called Bata in my language.

As the years have gone by, my memories are poor about my childhood and I never actually realized it until now. I seem to get pieces of memories like a puzzle slowly putting themselves together as I spend more time with family while talking about the past. This was definitely an issue for me not remembering the most of my past. Although the most ridiculous moments that I remember are the fights I had with my brother Sandy.

In my culture, you must respect any elders above your age, regardless if they're cousins, nieces, nephews, and etc. Luckily, my mother was lenient enough and adapted to the generation at the time. It made me comfortable to talk back and make Sandy realize that he was wrong. The outcome has never changed we end up in all kinds of fights and I end up crying all the time. The incidents were absolutely funny and how ridiculous we were. We couldn't remember what we were fighting for. It always starts off from arguments then escalating into a physical fights.

One particular incident was when we both fought over snacks and claiming who owns it, it started out from strong statements to raising voices to teasing each other until everything is at the boiling point of the thermometer as if it was going to crack. although everything shattered and we both start pushing, punching, choking, kicking, and other crazy things until we either one of us know when it is enough. The consequence were from my parents, they never cared about who started the fight and always punishes us with thick belts whipping towards the glueteus. We didn't dare to move or run, because it will only make things worst.

Another incident was playing sports, we decided to play touch-back football or something like that. The game included our two younger siblings Patrick and Vincent at the time. I was partnered with Vincent (VJ) and the other two were our opponents, we played throughout the afternoon after school and enjoyed it so much that it became too serious. We were both complaining about who are the winners of this game and eventually everyone was being stubborn about who won.

During the argument, my brother was pointing out that we were wrong and they've won. I put my foot down and immediately tried to discuss the game with him, but I was completely firm and argumentative. As a result, my brother continues to warn me about hurting me while I ignored it and continued to attack him with the most irritating and annoying words. Eventually, I stepped away from him because I knew that he couldn't catch me and that he would obviously hurt me in any way possible. Instead that didn't help, he picked up a coconut from the ground and threw it directly to the side of my thigh. I never hesitated to cry hysterically and waited for my parents to come home from work, so I could tell them what had happened.

Moments later, I stopped crying by the corner of the main entrance of the door, because it was only 3:00 p.m. and my parents wouldn't be home until 4:45. I couldn't cry that long and it was stupidly funny for what I was trying to do. The coconut didn't hurt me at all because the insides were empty and it was light. In the end, we tend to get a long great and make up after many tiny arguments or fights.

As we aged, we become sophisticated whenever we encounter the beginning of the argument and prevent it from escalating, The thing is that the arguments now have nothing to do about who is starting it, but who are causing it. My malicious feeling is that his girlfriend Jocelyn was always opening the door for problems to arise. It built many mixed emotions within myself and so many reasons to hold back. These boxed up emotions are becoming so full that it'll literally explode at any ticking time. It was then I became aware that I do not want to cause any issue, so it is best for me to move out and eradicate the relationship I have with my brother.

Food Inc.

            Before the film. I believed that American food system portrayed an equal relation with food, whether if it was eating a veggie burger with fries and a diet soda. It seemed as if it was half healthy when eating a meal, in other words, it was a like balance meal. In addition, convenience has always been the importance for all-American families. For instance, If you’re not prepared with a meal going to work, it is obvious that you may have to eat fast-food or something that is in the vending machine. Another example, when you’re doing errands all day, the result is that you’ve become exhausted and maybe even stop by the grocery for ready cooked-meals or something that is microwaveable. 

      

           On the other hand, I’ve always seemed to think that grocery shopping in America was so much easier. The reason for this was because they’ve had products that listed great information such as 0g transfat, no msg or sugar, and no additives. This really stood out and makes a difference to me, most especially when they’re at affordable prices. In contrast, I’ve always thought that some menus in the fast food are actually healthy like: chicken wraps, salad, fruit slices, and many more. In the end, I’ve always believed that some part of the American food system were healthy and I felt 80% secure to what I am eating. I also believe that I shop by quality and not by quantity.

            After the film. My family and I was in total shock and became afraid of what we have in our refrigerator. The movie really triggered my entire family to be more careful with what we eat. The signs listed on each product really doesn’t make a difference which made me depressed and very miserable. This really encouraged me to research about what is beneath this amazing and delicious meals that I am having every day.  I don’t entirely trust the government with the food I am purchasing, but it is their job to protect our people and not just offer all these malicious products because they would want to provide the needs of our people while being ignorant of the health outcomes we are facing. There were so many consequences from our food system and it is devastating to learn that it all began from our environment. We are simply destroying everything just for our convenience which we should turn things around.

             The stories in the movie really stood out the most with how people shop around the American food system. For example, The Hispanic families who are in a dilemma of purchasing medications and unhealthy food to be stable economically rather than buying healthy and safer foods for the family. This really open my eyes about what I mentioned earlier that quality is more important than quantity. Another example, a mother who became an activists after loosing her son and no action or care was being made for her in a decent time. This made me feel like I should not trust the government at all because of their ignorance. Lastly, changing cows diets as if they’re robots, was truly sickening and depressing

           

             This really change my appearance on grocery shopping as well as selecting products everywhere. I have been raised in a family ranch where some of our foods were freshly picked as well as the livestock. As a result, I’ve always thought that maybe the stores have it better and cleaner, but now I thought it was better. Since Oregon is surrounded with farms, I am willing to shop at those businesses and lessen more of livestock products. I am still in shock with the outcome, but I am also glad that the documentary had people who were concerned about the people, the animals, and the environment. It made me want to shop only at those areas and do a research if some of their products exist in our local stores. In addition, the film made me want to expose this to other people, most especially my loved ones. I am glad to have seen this documentary.

Paris is Burning!

                  This documentary covers a secret part of the world where people expose their true identity. They express themselves with a fierce attitude. This film was released in 1990 after covering through the mid-to-late 1980s. In the beginning of the film, you have people explaining their lifestyle between two worlds. Furthermore, they live a working life to support themselves and pretend everything is normal while the other is an underground room that is filled with all kinds of personality. This personality comes from an amazing diversity where people from different ethnic background come together to enjoy who they really are.

                  

                 I’ve come to realize that most African-American and Latinos were documented in the film and almost all of them are from the gay and transgendered community. It seems as if this became part of the Transgender culture which I think is positively eccentric. I have always thought that underground ball or clubs like this were non-existent. It seemed that it was the secret and safe part of the world, where only happiness and fierce is applied into this room. 

                 In addition, they've done pageants, lip syncing, and most especially voguing. Voguing is a form of dance dance to music in such a way as to imitate the characteristic poses struck by a model on a catwalk, which I though Madonna had started this trend, but it was born before that. It has become a modern art of dancing and it expresses great femininity. The film also brings out the issues that some people face on their daily lives such as racism, diseases (HIV, AIDS, & other STDs), and poverty. This special place brings unity for people who could relate to each other, regardless of color, origin, and so one. Diseases that have been widely a sacred issue during this decade was probably devastating to hear, because it was still new for them and they only come together to show some support as they continue to experience the hardship of this illness. Another is Poverty, where people become sex workers, because their family has thrown them out because of who they are.

                 Furthermore, this people express freedom in this very special room for all. It gave me a feeling that you were placed in the hospital under the Intensive Care Unit, just breathing on your own and you couldn't do anything or simply being in life support. It was sad but I understood it very well. This gave them a happy life even though hard it was for them, they still find that happy life. It was devastating when they share their life stories of coming out or how they were treated. I couldn't believe this could happen to anyone. I've come to realize that love wasn't the issue, it was acceptance. It was difficult for many, but they never thought of a strategy to understand and be a little opened minded with those who are experiencing a difficult part of their life.

Bridegroom!

                                                             "Bridegroom"

This documentary covers a love relationship that is rare to find in the modern world and seemed as if it was all a dream for myself as well as others. I believe that this kind of love still exists and should be applied to all human beings. The outcome of this story was simply harmony for all things in life will be absolutely positive. I will share their story individually and combine them as soon as they start their life together.

Every life that is brought into this world is a mother’s best gift that she ever received. A beautiful baby boy was born on December 19, 1985, in Kalispell, Montana, his name is Shane Bitney Crone. As the years go by his mother notice he was different and unique compared to other kids, although the love was undying for her and felt that she could do nothing but to be the supportive person her son needed. Shane was always positive and friendly to anyone and build great relationships with them. On the other hand, his father was definitely trying to make him what a boy is supposed to be, that is masculine, active, and somewhat risky. Shane never failed to make his father proud by joining so many sports and among other things until one amazing incident that turned out to be sad, cute, and absolutely funny.

The incident started on a regular sunny day where his father decided to take him hunting for the first time and soon they began to walk deeper into the woods by their home. Moments later his father finally saw an animal and decided to take a shot at it. It turned out that his father made a decent shot and killed the animal and in Shane’s shocking response, “You killed bambi!” Shane took it to the heart and cried continuously and hysterically all the way home. His father instantly gave up and accepted everything for who his son was. This part was absolutely touching and very entertaining that helped acceptance be very well understood among the family.

                As acceptance became a part of the family another issue was becoming devastating for Shane. It was a feeling that Shane was building as he grew older and never knew what it was or never understood what was dwelling inside of him. He notices something that doesn’t seem to feel right as if it was not “normal”. As time goes by, his feelings continue to grow and the depression was arising behind it. The feelings were liking, attracting, and caring for someone who is the same sex and also his friend. Shane kept it a secret to himself and continue to deal with it alone. Furthermore, Shane denied his feelings and never figured out what the word gay meant. Later, he understood by secretly watching a movie behind the couch as his mother watches. He continues to watch and after it was done, he went to bed and took the movie personally as if it was himself.

                Depression got him more than ever and it was taking control of Shane. The movie caused the negative emotion to grow radically where it becomes madness. Shane’s breakdown led him to dial 911 and screamed for help while telling the operator that he was dying of AIDS. This where the family experience chaos at their very home. Years later he told a harmless secret on a letter by telling his best friend that he liked him on a written note. A few moments later, chaos arises as the word had spread out to the entire community that he was simply gay. He was put down, bullied, and restricted from most school functions, most especially the principal didn’t even respect who he was and was abusing his power. It was torture for Shane and nothing was expected to be positive for him throughout his high-school years. He needed to be in a place where he belongs, where he is truly accepted. Then his beautiful journey begins as he drives his way to California.

Continuing Bridegroom…

               The documentary shared two peoples live story and since I covered Shane’s story, I would like to tell you about Thomas Lee Bridegroom. Thomas also known as Tom was born on April 22, 1982. Tom happened to be the only child from his parents, but has half-siblings from both sides of his parents. Tom had to be the treasure of the family and was mommy’s boy. Tom wanted to do things and his parents gave him more than 110% of their support and would doing anything for him, even when he wanted to go to military school! His mother had to work as a custodian in order to support him through military school. He was a good kid and never had any issues growing up.

Tom was the kid that everyone loved, he was energetic, highly spirited, and very human, in other words, down to earth. Tom had a secret and kept it very well hidden. It was then until his last year in school that he had shared a secret with a very close friend. As he was about to tell her, he began to cry hysterically and looked down covering his face and said “I am gay”. He felt afraid that he was going to be judged and the best part that his friend did was comfort him and told him “that it is okay”. It was a relief for him and he felt very comfortable with himself and was confident enough to tell his parents later in his life. Tom made his way into California, where a new chapter of his life.

SHARING CALIFORNIA!!

                Both Shane and Tom were living the life in California! But before the two met. Shane was working to support himself as a Production assistant and was finally happy. It felt as if he was emancipated from darkness and believed that his life will turn out to be better. On the other hand, Tom was a model and was in a few magazines, growing his fame in baby steps. As time goes by, they both seemed to be working too much and never realized anything about a relationship. It was then their mutual friends bring the both of them into a blind date at the bowling alley. Shane being shy and Tom being very open, the opposite personality has brought them together. It was then a spark that created the fire among the two to share the love that no one have seen before.

                Months have gone by and both couldn’t let go of each other, it was like they were meant to be together! Which also felt like marriage. Their relationship was growing only for good and nothing else. They have traveled to some significant places together, which almost every couple have always wanted. They made a sacred communication of knocking three times that meant “I LOVE YOU”. As they continue to live their lives, Tom wasn’t able to come out to their parents until Christmas, where Tom and Shane had visited. During the visit, they were having a wonderful time and in the middle of their moment, he had knocked 3 times on the table. It was a delightful moment and couldn’t get any better. Tom told his parents about him being gay and they began to blame Shane. As a result, it was shocking that his parents strongly despised him immediately and chase both of them out and there was no communication among his family.

As you can tell, a mother’s love is undying for her child, so this triggered her to remove her selfishness and go show her support. Tom’s mother visited the two and they both never thought this will change their lives. Tom’s mother began to show some care and support towards the two. The couple couldn’t be happier and felt so relieved and excited at the same time. After the mini-vacay, Tom’s favorite hobby was photography and love them especially.

One horrible day, Tom was doing a photo shoot for his friend on a roof-top and suddenly he fell off the building. This was really devastating to hear, it was a very sad feeling. Tom was immediately sent to the hospital for emergency care and the tragedy continues, because Shane wasn’t family, he wasn’t able to go and see him. It was worst and I began to cry, even just writing this down. It was a sign of relief when the nurse had told him that he could see him, because she understood their connection and how important they were for each other. That’s when I realize that people could show the human side of themselves if they give it a chance. As Shane cries over Tom, he began to knock three times to let Tom know. Eventually, Tom has passed! L It was devastating!

ANOTHER TRAGEDY!

                Tom’s mother began to go into their place as she wanted almost all of Tom’s things. Shane was not caring at all and continued to suffer the pain of a lost loved one. It was not as painful for Tom’s mother that she wanted to know everything about her son’s life in California. She soon scurried away home and brought her son for the funeral. As Shane questions about the funeral, Tom’s mother became malicious and distasteful towards those who shared a life with Tom in California. As Shane and a few of his friends decided to go attend the funeral, it was then that Tom’s father and other relatives would plan an attack, if Shane ever shows up into the funeral.

                It was depressing to know that Shane was right outside the church in the car attending his funeral. I couldn’t be any more depressed to hear what people would do because of their stubbornness. I grew hatred to Tom’s family and I wanted to do something about it. Moreover, Shane was limited to access Tom’s records and such. It was absolutely irritating and upsetting. On the other hand, Tom was buried in Crown Hill Cemetary in Indiana, below is the image.

As you can see, Both of his parents are right beside him and you could see that there are no dates of death. The reason is because they didn’t want Shane to be buried next to Tom. It was absolutely and ridiculous on how selfish parents could turn out.  In conlusion, I have never cared for gay marriages if they were passed or not, I felt as if it wasn’t necessary, because there will always be some acceptance and agreement in the end. Unfortunately, after watching this documentary I have grown to be more supportive of passing the law. This will bring a step closer to a great happiness in the gay community.

The King of Rock n Roll

        I watch a documentary based on one of the most famous recording artist of all time. I was curious and wanted to write a brief biography about this honorable man. I am glad to watch it and love to share his story.

        In the world we would know that great music come from great inspirational artists. Some artist are truly talent with their instruments whether if it was their beautiful voice or their fingers toying any musical instruments, and some having the power of both. One legendary artist has shared his tremendous talent during his time and left his great treasure to continue to inspire the people and that artist is Elvis Aaron Presley. The king was born on January 08, 1935, in Tupelo, Mississippi, he was a twin and unfortunately his brother Jesse Garon was still-born .
Elvis was an ordinary person that belonged to a loving family that were part of the working class. As they make their living, they had to move from one place to another frequently to be stable financially. Elvis seemed like a great and respectful child to his family, most especially his mother, Gladys, who raised Elvis to have strong faith in God. The family have always attended their local church, the Assembly of God Church, which later influence him with Gospel Music and then his legend begins.
At the age of 10, Elvis recieved a gift from his family that also contributed to his legacy, the guitar. His first taste of musical success was when he won a talent show at Humes High School in Memphis, Tennesse. Elvis began to open ears with all kinds of music such as country and R&B. Many different songs were playing in different radio stations and helped him influence his music. After graduating from high school in 1953, he still did not give up his musical dream and continue to compose his kind of music.
One day he decides to record a demo of two songs for $4.00 at Sun Studios for a birthday gift to his mother. Soon after, Sam Phillips enjoyed his recording and decided to keep him on his record label. Elvis finally has his first single called "That's all right" in 1954. Other recordings were included such as "Blue Moon Kentucky" and "I love you because". Then releasing his first number one country hit "Mystery Train" in 1955. Before long, he caught the attention of promoter Colonel Tom Parker, who immediately put him on tour. During his tour, he instantly had fans and they began to embrace his looks and provocative moves. Tom instantly knew that Elvis was going to be a superstar and made him sign with RCA records within that same year.
Soon, Elvis recorded his first hit "Heartbreak Hotel" that went wild and became number one together with his album Elvis Presley. Then, he sold millions of records in just a short few months. Not long after, he continued to release more of his recordings and it doubled its sales with other songs that included "Hound Dog" and "Don't be Cruel". He continues to stay at number one everytime he release his music since then.
I began to watch Elvis Presley's live performances on youtube and found it amazing. He moved the audience with his music and seemed like he was the Michael Jackson of our time. They both share their unique signature moves and style, but for Elvis he included his "Thank you very much" line with awesome facial expression. Eventually, he was just everywhere from movies, to tv shows, radios, and many more throughout the time.
A contract was also signed with Paramount by Elvis, which also sky rocketed his career. The movie "Love me tender" was his first movie and made many more later. Elvis was superior as a musician and an actor. Later, he recieved a draft notice that he may have to serve the US Military, he was inducted in March of 1958 and was sent off to Germany for a year and a half. During his service, he was granted leave to attend the most tragic day of his life, his mother's funeral. After the funeral, he returns to serve the US Army for about 2 years.
In March 20, 1960, He release a soundtrack for his film GI Blues and continued to still be at number one with his other movies such as Viva Las Vegas and Girls!Girls!Girls!. On the other hand, he began to loose his touch on the box office around the late 60s although he proved his performance when he recorded his first TV special in 1968, often referred to as the "'68 Comeback. He wowed audiences with his performance, which showcased his talents as a singer and a guitarist.
The King was married a year before his famous comeback and had a daughter named Lisa Marie. When all happiness began, it instantly became like a nightmare and did not last like a fairy tale. He was divorced and later was struggling health issues. Despite all these obstacles he continued to tour around the country through the years and made his last concert in Indianapolis, Indiana. In August 16, 1977, the King bid farewell to the world with a tragic death that was related to his drug prescription. May he rest in peace eternally.
Behind all his famous hits, some of his songs still were number one for his true fans and his album still continues to sell at the top of the charts. I began to scan his songs and chose that was familiar to me. I chose his live performance of Unchained Melody in 1977 and immediately I felt the goosebumps around my body and my eyes became watery. His voice was unique and very deep as if it was someone who was giving a hint that their time will come. As you can see that was the same year of his death. He was very spiritual with his songs together with his attitude. The way he played the piano was as if he was in pain and in pleasure. It was absurdly amazing and believe that he marked history.
Another song was Can't help falling in love, I never knew that the original came from the King himself. The song was much more mellowed compared to UB40. I think this song was a sense of comfort and being content with any situation that was given by handling it in a positive manner. I also think his lyrics are very well written and seemed very professional. It also made it seemed like he was very intellegent with his choice of words in the song. The instrument was very well played, most especially when he played it.

The Special Project...

This assignment was simple but difficult for me to choose a topic. I have so many topics that are so interesting and thought they're all beneficial for me personally. One topic stood out the most for me which I wrote an essay about it in the previous term and made an impact to me personally. It was about "Third Genders". This was very interesting in some cultures and felt like I could touch everything that relates to this topic. It was somehow a sense of comfort as I made a connection with it. On the other hand, I felt like that there are other topics that might trigger me to change my research. As for now I will stick to this wonderful and amazing topic. I hope it turns out the way I expected it to be.